Friday, December 14, 2012

Twisted Treasuries #17: Deck the Halls

I'm not sure what this week's Xmas-y title has more to do with: decor or the fact that with a week and some change away from Christmas I'm ready to deck some corporate faschists right in their fat little halls. All I know is, after the last few days there's no place I'd rather be than at home slapping some oddities on the fronds of a holly jolly, Hallmark-esque hot pink evergreen and browsing etsy for handmade treasures instead of sweltering under piles of mass-produced and overpriced trendwear...

Bah to the humbug, time to deck the halls with horror. It's all pretty self-explanatory so let's get this treasury in the history books!

I've never been a fan of gingerbread-- during the holidays or any other time. This ornament however changed my mind. Just two of five (frankly unexpected) zombie ornaments presented by Dana K, these in particular make me want to get one of those gingerbread kits and go all out Blackthorn on that mofo. I want a tree full of zombie gingerbread dudes now. Nestled in all that piney goodness with string or several of dried cranberry guts-- bedlam and viscera all the way round!

Dance Sippy Dance makes yet another triumphant appearance! Currently this little monster tree-boogers are sold out, but they could appear again. I love their grins. That's what these crazy ole holidays should look like.

It's hard to choose which of these classic Santa ornaments with their snazzy zombie makeovers should come home for the Twisted Tanenbaum holidays. They're all fabulous. Admittedly there are two that should be making their merry way via the demented little elves that make up the postal service, as I type. Momsy and I decided to get one for The Brother and fams tree (aww! look at me thinking of others. guess I have a soul after all). The other will deck my cars dashboard. There's no doubt of the merriment of this disarticulated Father Christmas will bring!
Psst! Currently you can get 10%off too. Just be sure to pay attention to the shop announcements for the code. 
Killer Care Bears. Zombie piggy banks. This guy. There are many beautious dead things to behold within the virtual confines of Undead Ed's online store, this ornament caught my eye. Then it sold. My tree just isn't going to look right without it this season. Oh well...
This one's cute too...
Tell me this isn't the face of someone who worked and worked all year at being good and still got a chunk of Christmas coal in his stocking. How cute and Christmased-out does this little guy look? The pumpkins Vanessa made are what initially drew this shop into my etsy searching scope, but I'm pretty sure I'm in love with all the moody little creatures lurking about. Seriously, stop by and check 'em out.
If I were to buy this ornament I would be tempted to get its own evergreen to dominate and make a man-eating Christmas tree the centre of my holidays. It's Little Shop of Horrors meets Christmas Vacation with that squirrel paw hanging out of its mouth. Again, comes my inner struggle with taxidermy, cause, yep, that's a real paw this Audrey II bauble is gnawing on.
 If I ever wanted to fulfill my role as a good aunt to The Brothers spawn I'd sit her down and with cookies and cocoa close at hand, we'd make an army of these ornaments together. Nothing says bandage, er.... bonding like making undead ornaments with Aunty Blackthorn. ;)
There's really not much to say about these lace skull ornaments. Their amazingness is quite apparent.
 Actually, I'll take just about all the ornaments Natalie has available.
Oh my gosh! We forgot about the reindeer!! How can you have Christmas without flying fawna?
And of course, what proper Twisted Treasuries tree trimming would be complete without Cannibalistic Candy Canes?
That's one devishly decked out Douglas Fir fantasy, no?
Hark those harolds, kids, there's no escaping it. Christmas is almost here....
Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to spend the rest of the Christmas crunch crazies watching Scrooged and discovering the true meaning of Christmas, which of course, as everyone knows, is getting beaten upside the head with a toaster by Carol Kane.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Twisted Treasuries #16: The Mini Macabre

I think it's pretty safe to say that around about the holiday countdown (which begins earlier and earlier every year) we all want to shrivel up and crawl back into our childhoods when things were simple and, let's face it, holidays were all about us. I admit, this feeling isn't exclusive for the holiday hour for me. I want to be a kid again nearly every day of the year. Nothing declares that more than my dollhouse fixation. Now you may ask: "a dollhouse? Seriously? How's that have anything to do with a halloween, haunt and horror blog?" To that I say:

 Wow, you really haven't been paying attention.

I think it was for my 10th birthday that I was updated from a small, recycled two story country house (found and refurbished with a astro-turf front porch by my grandfather) to a massive Addams Family-esque Victorian mansion. My dad and grandfather built it for me and it was fabulous. Every little girls dream. Problem was, it was so big and fabulous that we didn't have room for it at my house so it stayed at my grandparents on their fabulous white 50's kitsch coffee table where it still resides today. The small white astro-turfed nod to my W.Va heritage remained in my bedroom for some years after, serving as a halfway house for my first pet mouse Kit, who would escape from his cage on a regular basis to Goldilocks his way in, only to be discovered chilling in the upstairs half of the dollhouse not too long after.

True story.

In the ridiculous amount of time that has passed since, the disgruntled little girl in me still plots and hordes furniture for it, cause one day, ONE day, it'll finally make its way into my possession where it will become the most fabulously creepy haunted mansion you'll ever see.

The abandoned dollhouse in question.

This week, in its countdown to Xmas, Twisted Treasuries starts off "Four Weeks of Weirdness" holiday celebration by hitting up the miniature corners of etsy to furnish 10 year olds dollhouse dream.

Every good dollhouse needs a canopy bed in at least one room. After seeing this one (and then the price tag) I'm super inspired to make my own.

For the Addams enthusiast especially, how perfect would this piece be hung on the living room wall?

Shrunken heads, witch and wizard photosmonster magazines... My dollhouse would benefit from one of everything from Matt Chappells etsy, but the grandfather clock is at the top of my list. I can't believe I don't have one yet for the foyer and this one has so much character.

This might be a really simple item. Candleabras are an easy find in the miniature world, and while I wouldn't say no to some basic ones, I think there's something really understated and original to the candles by darksquirrel. Especially the big melting heaps like this one.
and a more subtle and sustained pillar display like this

I would have never planned a nursery for my dollhouse, but then I saw this. I can envision it sitting on top of a shabby, crackling, muted-pink dresser with a black shrouded, Rosemary's Baby cradle in the room next to it. Consider me inspired!

All the miniature fuzzies at malinik kind of blow my mind. I can imagine the host of magnifying glasses employed to help make all those miniature birds and such-- the turkey and chinese crested are crazy! But if I'm going to deck out the mansion in the best mini macabre I can, I'm going to need a murder of crows. I like that viscera is included.

Hmm. What to get from kivaford... EVERY haunted house needs a mad scientists lab. Or at least a cozy corner of the study to get your experiment on. A Hammer-esque, Creeping Flesh Victorian father is a must for me and my miniature household and these may be a tad bigger than dollhouse scale, but they're still beautiful. I have some test tubes and racks, but beakers? I'm sadly lacking. Decisions, decisions... I guess it would be better to get the starter set first.
Then we'll invest in the heavy duty brilliance of these pieces later.

Lauren George's etsy store is another one I'd need to clean out to build on that dark little study. Home of the Jack the Ripper Evidence I posted back in an August TT, the oddities section of the shop is just divinely chocked full of cool macabre: maps and medical charts, apothecary sets, "witchy books". There's all sorts of little detail items available. Even some that have nothing to do with my house, I kind of want, like the miniature "Mood" shopping experience. Seriously, if you're miniaturely inclined, take a look around. This store is amazing!

Will it surprise you when I say that a man-eating plant is a must-have? It's not exactly an African Strangler, but of course the mistress of the house would fondly call it "Cleopatra".
And finally, we come to the fairy tale world of Pixie Dust Miniatures. Some of the things sold in the shop are a bit cutesy for me, but not only does this chick have mad skills, she's another one with great finishing touch pieces. I love her fungi, pumpkins (the well-adjusted ankle-biter in me is in love with the cinderella pumpkin), candles (which are very darksquirrel-esque... which came first I wonder?) and teeny creepy crawlies. I've always loved snails and slugs and would've probably been one of those weird kids that kept them as pets if I could. I'd set hers up in mini aquariums, with all the dead leaves and plants they could gnosh.
I'd probably pick up the poison apple pie set as well. Just for kicks.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Let the Holiday Madness Begin!

Who am I kidding? The madness is already here.

2012 is on its way out, and sadly, with it goes this fabulous calendar. Here's hoping the big fat guy in red brings me another on the 24th. That is, if the Mayans are wrong about that whole "end of the world" thing, of course.
You never know....

Friday, November 30, 2012

Twisted Treasuries #15: The Collection Edition

The Collection embarks upon the world today via theatres. I absolutely adored The Collector, which came out of nowhere a few years back to delight me on DVD. Another movie I actually thought about going to the movie theatre to see... but then I remember all the little gross things I learned about movie theatres while working in one in high school and the old lady germaphobe in me attacks and tells me to save my health and my money, stay home and watch the original 5000 more times till its sequel hits a rentable format.

I still may try to see it. Even if they ARE feeding it to the world via its relations to the one trick magical horror pony SAW (II-VI to be critically exact on that statement... I loved the original. Sequels? Not so much) and the trainwreck that was Insidious.

Anywho, in honor of  The Collection's release, this week TT indulges the knick-knack obsessionals that make up my own collections-- as bloodied and battered as any of the collectors victims...

This is probably a huge duh, but I love skulls. Of all sorts. Living in a heavily wooded wing of suburbia one's privvy to finding all sorts of woodland leftovers in their backyard-- empty sun bleached turtle shells, deer skulls, an entire intact skeleton of a mole. All nice editions to the family curio. Having said all that, it's pretty rare that I buy the real deal. Good thing this little guy is a replica... I always wanted a kitten. I'd love to find this one in my stocking this Christmas.

I'm pretty sure we've covered my affinity for weird dolls. Yes? Pigs too? Check. Well, then this little guy should be no surprise.

I went through a lawn gnome and pink flamingo phase a couple of years ago. Gnomes are all the right kind of creepy, but mostly around my neck of the woods people just think of them as lawn junk instead of lurking little pointy-hatted lumps of doom. Chris and Janes zombie lawn gnomes would change all of that. And, bonus! Maybe even get them to quit griping about our lawn...

Actually, forget the lawn. I need this for my car. Like pronto. She collects trinkets too.

A little Junker Jane soothes the soul, lemme tell you. I love her rag dolls. This Monster Frankenstein would look so at home with Monster Emma, Petal and Witch Malyss. If only he wasn't on reserve!!
by JunkerJane (duh)
This would make a great background piece for all my tooth fetish paraphenalia.

Jewelry counts as a collection right? Silver and skulls are what you'll find at the heart of mine. For that reason I love Jewels Vine's shop. I've had my eye on this skull charm for awhile now. But any piece would do! Especially the various skeleton keys charms.

OHMYGOSH I love the oddity of gas masks. They're creepy, industrial and more varieties exist that you would think. I would love to add this to my modest little vintage collection. If you want odd and old, oddacious is etsy gold!

When I was a kid, we'd spend spring break in the Shenandoah Valley. There was a little store called Tuttle and Spice that had a wax museum and curiousity corner and in one of the rooms was a taxidermied squirrel on a branch with a cigarette hanging out of it's mouth and a bottle of booze cradled in its paw. That squirrel was the main highlight of the trip for years and years for me. As a result, I have a love/hate/disgust relationship with taxidermy. I don't actually collect it because it real life it freaks me out to have, what used to be a living animal, stuffed and staring at you glassy-eyed from a bookshelf. I think it's borderline disrespectful to the animal too, especially a little piece like this, BUT at the same time that twisted freak of a little Norma Bates girl in me (with the West Virginia outdoorsman genes I got from my Dad helping her along) can't get enough of it, so we add it to that little secret stash of a collection in my imagination, that little girl and I...

I could totally see myself starting a faux taxidermy collection. These miniature mounts aren't technically the fuzzy kind of taxidermy I mean, but they'd be great first additions. In all truth I could make a collection from any of The Rogue and the Wolf goodies or art from its sister store HidenSeek.


Of course if you don't have a collection, but you have the means and motivation to acquire one, you could always go for an instant curio collection, like this one from aldetha. I know I wouldn't mind it (parrot excluded), or any of the oddities stuffed into this shop, myself. From curios to prosthetics, antique coffin plates and taxidermied owls, this is quite the impressive etsy vintage and antique shop! 
via aldetha

So what kind of curios get your cabinets amped up collection wise?

Don't forget to at least check out The Collector on DVD (blu-ray, laser disc...whatever)-- I believe it's also available in various parts on youTube at the moment. And if you see The Collection, lemme know what you thought!
Let's hope it doesn't suck...

The Collector TRAILER
The Collection TRAILER

By the way, did you know if you click the pictures they take you to the etsy listing? Well. They totally do.